I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
