So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
