that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
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