Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
