Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
