She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
