I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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