I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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