Quick, to the slutcave!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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