is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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