Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
