dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
