Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
