You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
