thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
