i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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