how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
