look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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