hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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