it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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