Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
