I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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