omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
