I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
