Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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