At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
