If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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