My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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