I'm pants shitting drunk right now
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
