I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
