Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
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I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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