Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
