After last night, I could never be a politician.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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