I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
