She is in my trunk
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
