She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
