he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize