I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize