There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
