I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
