im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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