State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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