sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
