Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
