..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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