seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
