she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're a waste of cheezeits
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
