so let's talk penis.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
