I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
