FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
