We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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