Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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