Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
