Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
People in love make me want to vomit
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
