420 ftw
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
