hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
