I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
