I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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