You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
