Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
